some sort of attempt

conversation, conversation, conversation
listen, dream, do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT.

Amy: just write exactly how you feel, document youself at that moment!

I cannot even begin to inform this paper how I feel.
sometimes I am scared,
scared of who I am.
I never yell.
I never shout.
I never scream.

in my head its different,
someone just throwing rocks at a wall,
wanting to destroy everything.
I am always screaming.
my thoughts are rich with everything I am afraid of,
but none of them are definitive.

I am always making these statements, and I believe them, but I don't believe in them, but I do believe in them, but I don't believe in them. I believe in change, but I never want it to happen. I hate my writing. I am not even sure I can tell myself how I feel right now or what I feel. When I was younger I knew I was in love with someone if I never thought of them naked. If I never wanted to have sex with them. If I wanted to be around everything that they were. Now I have all these strings I never wanted, but now they're there. I am rambling, thats my feeling. I am not in love with her, but I really could be. I think I might have this all figured out. I don't have this all figured out. This is my head. Wrong. Then right. Wrong then right. I stand defending her because I would be in love with her if I felt she really loved me, truly, but I am not right now. I don't want to be un-optimistic, lest I cease to exist