some sort of attempt

conversation, conversation, conversation
listen, dream, do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT.

Amy: just write exactly how you feel, document youself at that moment!

I cannot even begin to inform this paper how I feel.
sometimes I am scared,
scared of who I am.
I never yell.
I never shout.
I never scream.

in my head its different,
someone just throwing rocks at a wall,
wanting to destroy everything.
I am always screaming.
my thoughts are rich with everything I am afraid of,
but none of them are definitive.

I am always making these statements, and I believe them, but I don't believe in them, but I do believe in them, but I don't believe in them. I believe in change, but I never want it to happen. I hate my writing. I am not even sure I can tell myself how I feel right now or what I feel. When I was younger I knew I was in love with someone if I never thought of them naked. If I never wanted to have sex with them. If I wanted to be around everything that they were. Now I have all these strings I never wanted, but now they're there. I am rambling, thats my feeling. I am not in love with her, but I really could be. I think I might have this all figured out. I don't have this all figured out. This is my head. Wrong. Then right. Wrong then right. I stand defending her because I would be in love with her if I felt she really loved me, truly, but I am not right now. I don't want to be un-optimistic, lest I cease to exist

this is one of those titles popular bands make where it's really long and has nothing to do with anything written

two shoes
two feet
oh the things they have seen.

vomit,
drugs,
failed friendships,
heart break.

always walking away
proud.
knowing that they're part of something more,
they would walk forever
to show their worth.

often quiet,
staying under the table
when conversations take place,
they have nothing to do
but listen too.

watching me,
at my worst,
when I can't stand anything around me,
they whisper to me,
telling me I don't have to be here.
they can take me wherever
I dream.

someday they'll fly
maybe.....

wristcutters: a love story

I think I just fell in love with Shannyn Sossaman

So often we all feel like there is not a shred of hope left, nothing to dream about, that all our days fold into each other, making a huge monotonous disaster. So many of us feel there is no road to travel, so we die, release the pressure, spill it from our wrists.

dead
left to wander in a place less familiar, where no one can smile, but somehow even after we've destroyed everything, crushed, shattered, and smashed all our dreams
there is still hope for love
even after where dead

Zzzzzzzz

I want to lay down
and when I wake up
I want to wake up
next to someone
who dreams of heroes

so long sweet dreams

I wake up around 10:30 and I wait.
I wait for her to call.

No ring just stale air, so I gather my thoughts and take my homework downtown. My phone asks me to grab some keys, which I oblige to do. My friend and I sit in the summer sun laughing and relishing in each others company while the margaritas quickly disappear. One margarita, walk straight. Four margaritas, walk into traffic. We continue our day and travel along. I go to see about a tattoo but instead enjoy Brian's company. He is always so light hearted. The time ticks on and no ring. No ring. I join Aaron and Amy for coffee and we talk about being creepy. Criagslist postings are oh so silly. I finally find myself back home, ready to take a nap, wish my problems away and still no ring. I surf the web for just one second of my time before I unwind to find

Rebecca=needs to have sex with Eric

sometimes I feel
the world is pressing
against my chest
its waiting for me to cave in

are you alone
I am
or at least I feel that way
I am waiting
waiting for you

fighting off demons
telling people they're wrong
that you are more than clothes
that you love me
that you are so important to me

tell me I am right
maybe I am lying to myself
I am sure you can tell
surround me with something real
or world please come in

cave my fucking chest in

this isn't personal, its only against the topic

I want this to be beautiful. 

it's not, 

I want to scream 

till I am coughing blood. 

please don't tell me 

it's my body,

not when your using it to slaughter. 

I have heard of genocide. 

I wish we all could breathe it in,

 

the ashes of those murdered every day. 

genocide is happening right now 

across America, 

a child, I guess, is not a race 

it's to vague of a description. 

fuck .................. 

fuck you. 

I am on the verge of tears. 

I want it to rain, 

right now 

in my fucking house. 

I wish my tears were red. 

don't tell me about your body. 

don't tell me I cannot understand. 

don't scream for equality, 

and tell me I know nothing. 

I don't think I was planned. 

I am glad to be alive, 

that my breath is important to someone;

I wish I was fucking dead right now. 

my heart is heavy, 

and it wont leave my body, 

I want it to go. 

you want to control something, 

control your vagina, 

control your penis, 

control your fucking actions. 

you want to kill something, 

kill yourself.

11:18pm

is there such a thing as angry printing?