.........

we'll be free
when you can stop looking in the mirror
stop holding one so close. carrying things to fix who you are
when I can stop being driven
by something so destructive, wishing for the kinda of love
that is only about objects

when man is more than sex
and women stop trying to fix
when we can be ourselves
not driven by sex
not shadowed by failure
the failure to be perfect

whenwecanacceptwhoweareforthereasonsweareandputpurposetoouremotions

we'll all be free
when we can stop wishing
to
be
who we were just minutes ago

the last good thing I can remember

why are we so beautiful when we sleep?
dirty clothes,
messed up hair,
sweat soaked skin,
breathing like animals,

but still
simply beautiful

the first night of poetry

your silence says it all
how we are all hurting you
but that wasn't the plan
you seemed so shy the whole night
me, ashley, and megan were just trying to make it a good time

a good day to die
a night to remember
something we won't want to ever forget
I mean the name game was amazing

you were just somewhere else
maybe thinking about failure

or worried about the future
thinking our jokes cut like knifes
but these knives are rubber

poet after poet we all quietly waited
laughing and joking, drinking and smoking
talking about delivery like we were poets ourselves
like we could push our souls onstage
two feet from a microphone begging to bleed
hoping everyone claps and no yells
"you suck"

the lighting was dim
the counters were made out of some elegant concrete
and there was some guy with a his face tattooed next to me
but I didn't care where I was
I was with my best friend
that was really all that mattered

clearing out like ants
the coda collapsed
I try to drag you where I think you wanna go
but it seems I am wrong
kicking and screaming you let me know
so I push on ahead

walking straight to the front you wouldn't guess that I was shy
hugging someone I amired and laughing for a short time
keeping conversations on the surface talking about you
I was much to scared to speaking anything of the truth
through the doors and pass the chairs
raising arms, coming to save
me from myself and the shyness I've built

you asked her the only thing she wanted to hear
"how to you get up in front of all theses people and talk about past relationships
and ex girlfriends?"
her eyes where so big
laughing she told you something so honest
I cried in the bathroom twice before I got up here

I was standing right there
but I was only backround noise
scenery in a coffee shop somewhere in chico
no different from the abstact art on the walls
I was simply shoes on your feet
taking you there then just waiting quietly

the car ride
you just slept soundly, I hope you were dreaming of beauty
I hope you never take what I say personally
if you need something to cut I am standing right here
hoping to hold you up
I know you would do the same

this is my apology
in case I need one
I am sorry
jokes mean nothing
you know we all admire you
you just seemed like you were somewhere

else